Adventures with Zilla: 5 Months

How old?: 5 Months!

Weight/Height:  At his last appointment he weighed 17 lbs and was 27 inches long.  This put him in the 65th percentile for weight and 97th percentile for length.   

Baby clothes:  
Zilla is wearing some of his 3-6 month outfits still but primarily he's in 6 month clothes. He can also pull off 9 months clothes without looking like he's swimming in them.  He's moved onto size 3 diapers.

Milestones: 
He has hit so many milestones this past month; I can't even believe how much has happened in such a short amount of time.  His reaching and grabbing skills are excellent and he is the most curious little guy.  He wants to touch everything.  
Zilla went through a major growth spurt when he was 4 months and 1 week old.  It lasted the full week and just about resulted in us starting on formula.  HE ATE SO MUCH.  The weekend it started we would feed, play for an hour, feed again, sleep a little and then feed again.  We were eating at least every two hours.  I was getting a little worried about it as the weekend was coming to an end because I didn't know if I could keep up with him by pumping at work.  And I could not.  He was eating about 18 oz at daycare and I was pumping 8 at the most.  Oddly, the week he was eating the most was the week I seemed to be pumping the least.  In that week alone he gained almost 2 pounds.
He is rolling over back to front and front to back all the time now; it's his preferred mode of travel.  Already I can turn my head for one second and he's moved across our floor by rolling over a few times.  

Zilla also has at least one tooth!  Which is exciting but mostly painful...teeth and breastfeeding are an interesting little combination.  He doesn't like feeding from my right side very much and I think he's learned that if he just bites me on that side I'll switch him to the left.  Sneaky little booger.

Special outings
 No long trips this month, but we were able to go out and about more  We've been able to successfully take Zilla to restaurants with us.  He's also pretty good at Mass as long as we go during the morning times.  
Towards the end of the month we went to a baby shower for one of my dearest friends.  I haven't seen her in so long and it was just wonderful to celebrate with her! Zilla was wonderful and quite a big hit at the shower. 

Zilla went for his first swim in a big pool!  On the 4th, his daddy brought him into the pool at my sister's house.  He was such a little cutie and very relaxed about the whole experience.

Highlights of the month: 

 Nina came to visit us over the July 4th weekend!  She brought with her a rug for our living room so that as Zilla learns to crawl his little legs won't get bruised from our hard floors. 
We spent our first 24 hour period away from Zilla this month.  It was so hard, but a lot of fun.  Jason and I took a little staycation to the Adolphus in downtown Dallas.  We went to Shakespeare in the Park that night and just did a little relaxing.  It was nice to have the little break and some time to ourselves but coming home to our baby's smiling face was the best part!  
Seeing Zilla with his cousins.  It's so much fun to be parents with my siblings!  It has brought us all closer together, or at least a new kind of close.  It's like when we used to play house, except now it's for real. 

Baby's routine (this section is included for any new mom's who like me, wondered, what should a baby's schedule look like at this age?  You have so many baby books that tell you all about sleeping patterns of a newborn, but as they get older it's harder and harder to find information about schedules):
We're slowly getting this routine thing down.
Wake up: 7:15am
Nap: 9:00 am-11:00 am
    Eat/Play: 11:00 am - 1:00 pm

Nap: 1:00pm - 3:00 pm

Eat Play: 3:00 pm - 5:45 pm 

Nap: This nap is usually a little shorter than his morning naps 5:45 - 6:30 or 7

Eat Play: 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm

8:30 - Bath time / get ready for bed

9:00 pm feed and put to sleep

Overnight he'll usually wake up one or two time to eat and "should" go directly to sleep.

The routine is pretty consistent throughout the week, but we're not quite as strict about it on the weekends.  But in general, it's best if he can get in two 1.5-2 hour naps during the day.  One week this month he was having trouble sleeping through the night and woke about every 2-3 hours.  After feeding he was also being stubborn about going to bed.  We're guessing that he was teething during this time 

Baby's favorite food: breast milk. 

Baby's favorite activity: 
Rolling.  While we're playing on the ground, while I'm trying to change him, while he's lying in bed.  This kid loves to roll.   

Baby's favorite toy: His play mat and his exersaucer  

Big changes:
His ability to get around.  Even though he's not crawling, just the rolling is allowing him to get to places/things he wants to go.  We are slowly starting to remove the swaddle from his sleeping routine.  Right now it's primarily at night.  We still put the swaddle over his legs and wrap them up, but we're leaving his arms out.  So far it's going alright.  It has been a little harder to transition this to his daytime naps because he is less willing to go to sleep and too ready to play with everything he can get his hands on.  Therefore it's more necessary to wrap them up too.  

Mommy Journal

Let me just say, I have become an expert pumper.  Going to work and Zilla's ridiculous growth spurt forced me to become comfortable pumping pretty much anywhere, anytime.  I regularly pump on my way to work, yes while driving, and sometime on my way back.  I have pumped while watching a movie at the theater, and I pumped while at Shakespeare in the Park.  No, not by going to the bathroom, I stayed in my seat and did not miss any of the show.  Is it possible that someone has looked over at me and thought "What the what is she doing?"  Sure.  But I don't really care.  My son's gotta eat and my breasts need release.  I will say, when we went to North Park this month they have a very nice lactation room.  It has a cozy chair, changing station, and a sink where you can wash off your supplies.  I really appreciate accommodations like this. 

I love watching Zilla grow up.  It never ceases to amaze me how ready he is to learn and how curious he is.  He wants to hold everything and the moment he learns a new skill he loves practicing over and over.  It's just incredible to watch this little life that was in my belly not too long ago grow up so fast. 

Adventures with Zilla: 4 Months

How old?: 4 Months!

Weight/Height:  15.6 lbs, not sure about his length 

Baby clothes:  I would definitely say he's most comfortable in 3 month and 3-6 month outfits.  Still in size 2 diapers. 

Milestones: Zilla is getting pretty good at bringing toys/hands/hair/anything to his mouth and chewing on it.   One time he was looking at me and with all his concentration he slowloy raised his hands up to my face and grabbed my glasses.  It was pretty cute. He also started to giggle this month and it literally melts my heart.  He's also good at recognizing familiar voices and looking around to find the source.  We can pretty consistently make it about 10 minutes of tummy time where he's happy and sometimes longer. He loves doing tummy time lying on my shins while we play airplane.  He thinks it is so funny when we're doing that and Boots comes over and plays around my head. He has rolled over front to back a few more times and is getting so close to rolling from his back to stomach.

Another big milestone this month was that we celebrated Zilla's conception day! He has been alive for one full year, wow! This is one of my favorite parts about NFP. We can know to the day when his little life began. We also did a little celebrating on the one year anniversary of getting the positive pregnancy test. 
Lastly, I suppose this is a milestone, Zilla got sick for the first time.  He had himself a stuffy nose, a cough, and quite a fever. 

Special outings
 We made another trip to Houston this month and got to see Uncle Paul and his new wife, Kayla. Zilla also got to meet his Aunt April, Uncle Jason, Uncle Cody, and cousin Luke for the first time!   

The other big outing was his Aunt Kimberly's baby shower.  Zilla was passed around like a little football.  He did pretty well the whole day, but man was he pooped that night.

Highlights of the month: 

Without a doubt, the birth of Zilla's cousin, Reese!  My sister had her little girl this month and she is the most precious, tiniest little angel to ever grace this earth.  I'm so happy for my sister and BIL to start this parenthood journey! 

The second highlight of the month would have to be celebrating Father's Day.  I love watching my husband be a Father.  

Baby's routine:
He's falling into more of a routine these days.  we pretty consistently wake up at 7:30 for the first feeding of the day and play until 9.  Then back to sleep for two hours.  He eats again around 11:30 and plays until 1.  Then the goal is another 2 hour nap, but sometimes I have to settle for an hour to an hour and a half. He'll eat again around 3:30.  On the week days, daddy picks him up from daycare and they come home and play for a bit before it's time for another nap.  Then when mommy gets home it's time to feed and the last playtime of the day.  We try one more feeding before putting him back to bed.  If successful, he'll usually sleep until about midnight and wake up to feed but then falls directly back to sleep.  Otherwise he'll wake up around 9 or 10 for a feeding and falls back asleep.  The nights vary.  Sometimes he'll sleep for 5-6 hours in between feedings but other times he'll stick to a 3 hour schedule.    

Baby's favorite food: breast milk. 

Baby's favorite activity: 
He likes to be held facing outward these days.  He's also fond of being lifted up into the air above our heads.  

Baby's favorite toy: His play mat 

Big changes:
The biggest change for us this month is that mommy has found a job!  This is both good and sad news.  Good, because our household needed a second income and honestly, it's probably healthy for me to be getting more adult interaction.  But sad because it's so hard to leave him everyday.  The first day I dropped him off was so tough! I cried a lot that day...okay maybe that whole week.  I'm getting better, but sometimes the evenings are hard because I only get to see him for such a short time.

He does seem to be doing great at day care.  Miss D always says he's perfect, and for some reason he's quite cooperative with taking 2 hour naps with her.

The other big change is that daddy gets to come home from work earlier these days!  This is wonderful news all around.  I know it's been nice for him to get to spend more time with Zilla, and I love having him home when I get home.
Another big change is that we have moved Zilla into his crib for both naps and nighttime. This means no more co-sleeping. Much like me finding a job, this is both exciting but sad news. It's nice to have our bed back but there sure are nights I miss his sweet little self all snuggled up next to us. 

Mommy Journal

I've only been working for a little over a week now.  I think the hardest thing is letting go of an extra feeding session.  Daddy was doing one bottle feeding each night so we could build up a supply, but we cut it out so that there's usually only one additional bottle feeding each day.  It's so hard to pump every three hours at work.  Even though I know I need to in order to keep supply up, it's just awkward to disappear into my office for 15 minutes, especially when there are clients right outside.  It makes me appreciate even more when I hear about companies who are becoming extra accommodating to lactating mothers.  

Other than that, I'm enjoying work, but I think about Zilla a lot.  Luckily, Miss D sends me picture texts throughout the day.  My favorite is one of him sitting across from another little boy at the day care.  It reminds me that this is a good thing for him to start socializing, even at this young age.  These days, my favorite part of the day are the middle of the night feedings.  He's usually easy to feed and as soon as he's done he'll just snuggle into my chest and fall asleep.  I'll just sit there holding him for awhile because it's becoming rarer for him to fall asleep in my arms like that.
Part two of mommy journal is going to be more about experiencing Zilla's first illness.  He got sick one day before his 4 month birthday.  I had to go to work that day and Jason took him to the doctor.  Part way through the day I went up to the doctor's office to feed Zilla and while I was there the doctor told us we would have to take him to the ER.  Those words are so hard to hear as a parent.  I had to go back to work and the next thing you know I get a text from Jason saying his temp had jumped to above 103.  
All I could think about was his tiny little body being so hot.  I left work immediately and cried the whole way to the hospital.  And then the "fun" of watching my tiny baby get poked over and over began.  You don't realize how much the little guy means to you until you see him in pain and would literally do anything to take it away.  I would go through labor 1000 more times to have made it stop hurting.  And then there's the "what if" thoughts that started to pop into my head.  I have a tendency to go straight to the worst case scenario.  Thankfully, it was likely just a regular old virus he caught from being at daycare for the first time. 
 That night I slept on the floor outside his room so that I could hear him breathing.  After his feedings that night I sat up holding him for two hours and the next night co-slept with him laying on my arm, because he did not want to be put down in his crib.  He would be sleeping peacefully after eating, but the second I laid him down he would start screeching. It wasn't so bad.  In fact, it kind of warmed my heart thinking that being near me was comforting to him. 

Time really has gone by so fast.  Especially these last two months. I can finally say that I am in a much better place emotionally and am excited for everything ahead!  

Adventures with Zilla: 3 Months

How old?: 3 Months!

Weight/Height:  Still growing like a weed. Haven't weighed or measured him in a while.  We'll have a more accurate update after his 4 months visit.

Baby clothes:  We can still barely squeeze him into some 0-3 month outfits, but he's most comfortable looking in 3-6 months.  I pulled out the outfit we bought him home from the hospital in and may have cried a little.  It was so tiny; I can't believe how big he has gotten!

Milestones: Zilla hit lots of milestones this month.  He coos like a champ and is most talkative in the morning.  He is also doing lots more social smiles, thank goodness!  He is not a big fan of tummy time, but when we do it he's so strong and can hold up his head and push himself up.  He even rolled over for the first time!  I was so excited :)  His hands are also opening up more and more and he's stretching out.  He has definitely found his hand, in that he sucks his fist like a lollipop, but I don't think he's realized he can grab things with it.  Although given the opportunity he will gladly grab onto our fingers and hair.  He has grabbed Jason's finger a few times and stuck it in his mouth.  

Here's a video of him cooing, but you may need to turn the volume up real high because his silly mom put her finger over the microphone: 

Special outings: We had a very active month!  Starting with the day after he turned 2 months we headed down South for Zilla's first trip to Houston!  He got to see his Nina and meet his great grandparents and great aunt.  He met the entire Garcia family.  He also got to see his Papa and meet his Mimsie Kathie.  We had a great time.  He behaved so well all weekend, which was a huge relief. 

The following weekend we headed South again, but this time to San Antonio.  This trip was two fold.  First, my dad took all the kids on a little vacation.  We stayed at a beautiful resort in La Cantera.  Zilla went on his first trip to Sea World and visited University of the Incarnate Word.  The second reason for the trip was my friend Sarah's wedding!  Aidan didn't go to the wedding, in fact this was the longest time I've spent away from him to date.  It was a little rough for mommy.

The next weekend we headed to Austin!  Daddy was quite excited about this trip.  We stayed with my cousin who has a beautiful home and was nice enough to take us in for a couple of days.  It was great getting to catch up with her. 

While here we headed to UT's campus.  Unfortunately, mommy and daddy aren't great at time management and we ended up having to rush through Zilla's campus tour.  I felt bad, because I know Jason was looking forward to showing his son around.  We did get a few pictures.  

We also attended Jason's friend's wedding and Zilla came along too!  This was his first wedding outside the womb.  Thankfully, he made it through the ceremony alright, but then he got pretty fussy.  We were blessed to meet a great couple while we were there who had a 7 month old and they offered us lots of encouragement and advice.  It was nice to have someone to sit by who wasn't going to judge us for having a fussy baby.

Before we left on Sunday we went to lunch with some friends of ours in Round Rock.  It's always good to see fellow married couple friends!  We haven't seen them since their wedding last year (Zilla's first wedding in the womb) and it was so good to catch up!   

On our way back to Dallas we stopped to see my aunt and cousins and let them meet Zilla.  It was great to see them and just relax on their patio for a few hours.  We also got to take home some yummy food :)  

Highlights of the month: 

Getting to interact more with Zilla is definitely the highlight.  The days aren't quite as long now that I can actually lay him down on his play mat and talk to him and watch him soak in his surroundings.  I can even leave him there for a bit and do some cooking or cleaning.  

It was my first Mother's Day this month!  It was so surreal at Mass when they had all the mother's stand up for a blessing.  I just can't believe how far we've come in such a short amount of time.  

Baby's routine:
Yup, still working on it.  He's a bit more consistent with the sleep, eat, wake cycle.  However he hits a serious fussy time in the evenings.  It usually starts around 8:00pm, although some days it will start as early as 5:00pm.  No matter when it starts it can last until 11:00pm.  He fights sleep like no baby I've ever met.  If he misses a nap, get ready for a rough night.  This kid needs his sleep.  The good news?  Once he goes down in the evening (9 or 10) he usually becomes a super easy baby.  His feedings stretch to about 4 or 5 hours apart and once he eats he falls right back asleep! That I can handle. 

Baby's favorite food: breast milk. 

Baby's favorite activity: Laying on his play mat and walks outside

Baby's favorite toy: Sophie the giraffe always makes him smile

Big changes:  
Mostly the increase of social smiles.  

He did go a couple of days where he was refusing to eat... particularly refusing to breastfeed.  This was incredibly frustrating for me.

His ability to be more steady in my arms is a big and very helpful change. I can multitask even when I'm holding him. 

I'm (slightly) less nervous to take him out in public now as long as it's only for an hour or two.  This means more outings with friends and quick runs to the grocery store.  Any longer than that and his schedule gets a little off and the day goes downhill from there.   

We put down a deposit with a home daycare for when I find a job.  It's exciting, but a little bit sad. 

Mommy Journal

Wow! After last month's post I received so many incredible messages of support and encouragement from my friends.  I'm so grateful for each of them and wanted to share with you all some of the love in case you're a mom and ever doubt your ability to get through a hard day: 

• You're not alone.... reaching out is key and I so admire your courage to do so. I wanted to write to support and to share....Whatever happens, I hope you are able to experience peace soon with your new sweet boy!
•  I'll be thinking about y'all and that I think you have an amazing little family. I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job...Keep the faith <3 
•  It will get better and you'll remember the good times more. I love you...Just remember the amazing examples of moms you've had and know that they've gone through periods like this too.
•  No amount of preparation can truly prepare you for your experience with parenthood...You, Jason, and Zilla are in my prayers.
• Hope it gets better soon will say a little prayer that the colic ends soon
• You are a great mom. I know some days are harder than others, but you are constantly showing Zilla your love.
•  I pray that you will grow to love God, Jason, Zilla and all others more for the experiences of this season. And I pray that God will direct your path going into the next few months and years, as we trust that as he cares even for the sparrows (Matt. 10:29), he will provide all that you need in accordance with his riches in glory (Phil 4:19).
• I know it must be difficult to have a baby with colic, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I think you're doing a great job. You've managed to transition into parenthood (seemingly) easily (though I'm sure it hasn't always been), and if anything it seems to have strengthened your marriage. Zilla is lucky to have you two for parents! 

And on that note, things have gotten better.  Looking back to the first month, when we literally never slept in the bed at the same time because someone had to be up and holding Zilla, I can't believe how good we've got it now! Like I said, I can actually take him into public now with a hope he won't break down into uncontrollable screaming; yea!  In fact, more often than not, on his short day trips out he is a very pleasant and adorable little guy.  Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I struggle, but I'm trying hard to be grateful for the time we have together before I go back to work.  It's going to be so hard to leave him every day, knowing that I'm going to miss so many of his firsts.

That's all for now

The VrlyFries  

Happy Mother's Day!

This post is dedicated to the amazing moms in my life who inspire me each and every day!

First up, my mom!  Obviously, I can't do a mom post without giving a shout out to the very woman who brought me into this world.  My mom is one incredible lady.  She supports and loves me unconditionally and does so with an ever joyful heart.  I could call my mom everyday and not run out of things to talk about with her.  She laughs with me when I'm feeling goofy, cries with me when I'm feeling sad, and hugs me when I just need to be her baby for a moment longer.  I love her to the moon and stars and back again! 

Next, my sister!  This is both my and my sister's first Mother's Day.  While her little one is still in the womb, she already shows little Reese so much love and care.  Have I told you that my sister is a hero?  No really, she is.  Just trust me, only 7 months into motherhood and her motherly instincts are already top notch.  She has been the most observant and aware mommy-to-be I've ever known, and I can't even tell you how inspiring her love for her baby is.  Not just her baby, but the way she loves all the little ones in her life is amazing.  Aidan is blessed to have her as an aunt.  I'm so excited to continue to experience motherhood with my closest and longest friend.  I love her so much! 

Now, my incredible mother-in-law!  It's hard to describe how lucky I am to have married Jason, not just because of the man he is, but because of his family.  Jason's mom has given so much of herself to help out our little family as we are starting out on all of these new adventures.  From the first time I timidly came to Houston to meet Jason's family, she welcomed me with an open heart.  Her love is abundant and unconditional;   I have no doubt where Jason learned to love.  Not only is she loving, but she is so much fun!  I know that when we go to Houston to visit or have her come to Dallas to visit us we are in for a wonderful time.  I can only hope that Aidan and I have the kind of relationship she and Jason have developed.   

There are so many other women I could write about here who have inspired me as I learn how to become a mother myself.  I have some of the most loving aunts who have always been like moms to me.  My sister-in-law has been there for me in so many ways and I love watching her with my niece.  She's kinda supermom.  I have lots of friends who have the sweetest little kids and who I am hoping to continue to pick up tips and tricks from as Aidan grows.  I also want to give a shout out to all the expecting moms in my life!  I know lots of women who are only months/weeks/days from meeting their precious babies and I am just thrilled for each of them!

To every mom, I hope you have the best day. Know that you are appreciated for doing the most important job in the world!    

   

Adventures with Zilla: 2 Months

How old?: 2 Months!

Weight/Height:  Our little guy is quite the chunker.  He weighs 13.3 lbs and is 23.5 inches long, putting him in the 79th and 82nd percentile respectively.  At his 2 month appointment Dr. F said he could pass as 4 month old.  

Baby clothes:  Zilla is usually wearing size 3 months  but can squeeze into some 0-3 month outfits depending on the brand.  He also wore a 6 month outfit on Easter.  It was a little big on him, but c'mon, he's only 2 months old; he should have been swimming in it.  He is also wearing size 2 diapers.  Thank goodness for Babies R Us' return policy on diapers so that we can exchange unopened packages of all the ones he grew out of so fast 

Milestones: Zilla had his first non sponge bath this month, which means he officially enjoys bath time!  Being able to sit in the water definitely seems to calm him...until we have to wash his hair.  He is really starting to get the hang of tummy time and can hold his head up pretty well by himself, especially while being held.  He's also making more cooing noises which are super cute.  

It seems I have a very serious baby on my hands, as we don't get too many smiles out of him just yet.  Hopefully that will start to happen more soon. Every now and then he'll reach towards objects and/or grasp objects, but I haven't decided if this is just by accident or purposeful.

Special outings: Zilla took his first road trip this month for one of my best friend's bachelorette party!  On the way there we stopped in Temple so he could meet his great grandparents.  This worked out great as feeding him was much more comfortable in their house than it was sitting in the car in a Luby's parking lot (that happened on the way home).

He really did great that day and I was so proud of him for sticking it out and staying in a pleasant mood.  Also, it made my heart so happy to see my best friends all together sitting around holding my baby. 

Zilla also had his first holiday this past month; Easter!  To make it even better, Nina came into town to celebrate with us. 

Highlights of the month: 

Getting out of the house as much as possible.  Now that the weather is nicer, little man and I have gone on more walks.  It's so great to get a little fresh air every now and then.

I got to have a girls lunch with some of my UNT friends this month too!  It was so nice to get to catch up with them.

Seeing his little smiles.  While they don't happen often, when they do happen my heart absolutely sings.  

While Zilla spent part of the time with us at the bachelorette party, his daddy was nice enough to come with us and watch him so that I could go out with my girls for dinner.  I love these ladies so much and had a great time with them! 

Baby's routine:  Still working on this one.  Ideally, during the daytime he would wake up, we would feed, followed by 30 minutes - 1 hour of playtime (until he starts acting tired), and then I would wrap him up and put him down for a 2-3 hour nap.  Rinse and repeat.  At night we we would cut out the playtime.  

But that's ideally.  While sometimes we achieve this the alternative tends to look something like this: Wake up, decide to snack a little and then get really upset or fall asleep while trying to eat, stay upset and cry and then get hungry again because someone refused to eat, hold and bounce him for an hour trying to convince him he wants to sleep. Rinse and repeat.  

Ultimately, during the day if he sleeps for two hours consecutively it's a huge victory.  At night we alternate between awesome nights where he'll sleep for 4-5 hours consecutively and nights where he refuses to sleep more than 30 minutes consecutively.  

We go back and forth between putting him in his bassinet by our bed and co-sleeping with him.  During the day I try to put him in his bassinet for his naps but usually hold him or put him in a carrier because he is happier there and tends to sleep a little longer. At night we co-sleep in order to increase our chances of getting some rest ourselves, or at least we get to lay down.

Baby's favorite food: breast milk. 

Baby's favorite activity: Eating and watching the ceiling fan

Baby's favorite toy: He enjoys laying on his play mat after feedings when he's in a good mood.  He also likes looking at and listening to an elephant toy that makes crinkly noises when you touch it. 

Big changes:  Breastfeeding is becoming more and more comfortable.  The soreness is completely gone and as long as he's in a good mood, we have very successful and effortless feedings. However, when it's not a good day his hands and I get into some pretty epic battles. 

Even though he's not real big on looking/smiling at me or responding to my talking just yet, I am able to interact with him more now.  He's really become so alert and interested in his surroundings so we'll walk around the house and outside so he can take in lots of new information.   

A change on my end is that I have been cleared to resume exercise.  I like to take advantage of this any opportunity I get.  I've gone on a few runs with my bro-in-law.  Ran a 9:43 min/mile 5K a couple of weeks ago.  Far from my PR, but definitely progress in returning to the mix of things after pregnancy. I also resumed doing some insanity workouts.  Gahhhh it's so hard to get back into those.  I cheat a lot.  Pretty much the warm up is the only part I make it through without cheating or stopping for extra breaks.  I also do lots of squats and some sit up type moves using Zilla as my resistance weight throughout the day.  

Mommy Journal:

Well y'all, I've really been struggling this month.  I wish I could say month two was exponentially better than month one in so far as my emotions and little man's colic.  However, if anything it's improved the smallest amount or it's about the same.  Many times it has felt worse.  I've definitely had some rough days this month and have really had to rely on my friends and family who are so willing to help out.  I can't tell you how many times I've text my mom or my sister asking them if they can come over for awhile with no notice at all, and they're there no questions asked.  And of course there's my aunt who routinely comes over every Thursday and my friend who visits us every Friday who both help me get through the end of the week.  And that's hard for me to admit.  I still wish this was all coming more naturally to me, or that Zilla and I had more good days where we just enjoyed each other's company.  But I remain hopeful.  In addition to the physical help I've received, I've also had some amazing prayer warriors.  One of my friends who lives out of state sent me the most beautiful and encouraging email after I shared with her some of my struggles.  She reminded me that I went from being very involved in volunteering and spending time at my internship site and school, surrounded by people, to being, for the most part, cooped up at home with a little baby who hasn't quite mastered the art of conversation.  And that is a major change for someone to go through in such a short amount of time.  She also wrote out a beautiful prayer for Jason and I.  I read it whenever I'm feeling a little down.

Jason continues to be a huge support for me as we figure this out together.  I know he wishes he could be here more to help.  He even took a sick day from work one day after I developed a fever and was feeling really under the weather.  It was such a nice day.  Despite being sick, Jason and I got the chance to lay in bed together for a little bit and snuggle and play some games on our phones together.  It was really nice. 

I keep reading colic forums where other mom's assure me that this time passes and their little ones started to develop vibrant personalities that are just a joy to be around by three or four months.  On the other hand, there are those moms whose babies continue to have colic for 12 months...those aren't so encouraging.  One mom's words really struck me: "All I want to do is enjoy my child and love it like all of the other parents. I hate you colic, you took my precious baby away."  I've had very similar emotions to this.  There have been so many times I want to just fast forward to the end of this period, skip over the next month or two.  But then I feel so guilty having those thoughts.  Shouldn't I be holding onto each of these precious moments when Zilla is still small?  I'm terrified I'll look back one day and kick myself for not embracing each screaming fit as an opportunity to hold my son while I still can.  It's a roller coaster of emotions for sure.  I try to take lots of pictures during the happy times so that during the not so good times I can look back at them and laugh and remember that there are indeed good times.  

Sorry this mommy journal is a bit of a downer, but again, I'm making an effort to be honest.  I recently read an article about the facade facebook and instagram and twitter can create of these perfect little lives we try to show we have, stirring up feelings of insecurity in others.  This is me admitting that while my instagram is filled with delightful pictures of our precious little son, we are by no means perfect.  But we are persevering! 

The VrlyFries

Adventures with Zilla: 1 Month

How old?: 1 Month!

Weight/Height:  At our last appointment he was 9lbs and 3 oz, putting him in the 60th percentile.  Dr. F was very excited about this because usually they are just hoping the kid has made it back to birth weight.  Our little chubby baby far exceeded these expectations.  He's an overachiever, like his momma.  His height was also in the 60th percentile, but I don't think he actually told me the measurement.

Baby clothes:  Zilla started out wearing newborn clothes but has quickly graduated in 0-3 month.  He's also up to size 1 in diapers.  I'm not going to lie, when I realized he was outgrowing his newborn outfits I was pretty sad.  He's already growing up too fast for me! 

Milestones: He is definitely opening his eyes more and more each day and having some quiet awake time where we will just sit and I'll talk to him. I can't wait until he starts cooing back and smiling!  He's also extremely strong!  We started short tummy time and tummy time on our chest and he can hold his head up like a champ.  He can also scoot along the floor if we put our hands behind his feet and provide a base for him to push off.
One day before his 1 month birthday he also did this little trick and I was so excited!

Special outings: Zilla attended his first Mass on March 2nd.  It wasn't very successful...we arrived late and he immediately started screaming.  So momma, daddy, and the little guy went into the vestibule for the rest of Mass.  It was pretty awesome bringing him up with me when I received communion!

He also went to his first restaurant: Pluckers.  Classy, I know.  But we figured that place is already loud, so if he started screaming it wouldn't be as big of a deal. 

He attended his first party!  Uncle J Wag turned 30 and we had a party in his honor as well as found out that sister and bro in law are having a baby girl!  So Excited! 

Highlights of the month: Taking our sweet little boy home!  While it's been so exhausting, we keep reminding ourselves how blessed we are to have him.  
Before I go on I don't think I ever mentioned that this happened:

And it was one of the most heart warming things to see.  Little Zilla was having trouble getting his temperature up, and skin to skin with mommy just wasn't cutting it.  So his amazing daddy took his shirt off right there in the hospital and had is own skin to skin time.  Sure enough, this worked like a charm and Zilla was warmed up in no time! I love these two.  

Having lots of wonderful visitors!  My sister set up a care calendar for us and our friends and family have been so amazing bringing us dinner and helping out.  We've also had special visitors from out of town like Jason's brother and sis in law, Auntie Kendall, and our friend Vik.  It's so clear to me how abundantly loved Zilla is.  Fridays are always wonderful because Auntie Stephanie spends the afternoon with us and gives mommy a chance to have some adult conversation!

The Catholic Church has a new Pope!  And Zilla and mommy celebrated in true Catholic style:

Overcome with emotion when popealarm.com notified us about the white smoke, Zilla took a quick nap before they made the big announcement

Upon waking, he couldn't contain his excitement...

Laughing with mommy for how silly we were every time we saw a shadow behind the curtain on the balcony...

Shocked that we have our first Pope from the Americas, who is a Jesuit, and taking the name Francis!  

Joining Pope Francis and Catholics around the world in praying the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory be

Baby's routine:  We've had a rough time with this one.  It has been all over the place.  I'll reflect on this more below.  I know the first month is always hard for everyone, so I keep telling myself eventually we will get on a routine.

Baby's favorite food: This will become more relevant later, for now, breast milk. 

Baby's favorite activity: Eating

Baby's favorite toy: My breast.  Okay...his pacifier (maybe that's mommy's favorite toy). He does seem to like his swaddle blankets for now *fingers crossed this continues*  He also seems to like his swing.  This was the only way we could get him to sleep other than in our arms during week 2. 

Big changes:  Since it's the first month, pretty much everything is a big change for both of us!  One completely random big change I noticed for myself the other day was how easily I can bend down to pick something up now.  While I was pregnant, I would sigh and grunt whenever I dropped something.  I noticed myself sighing the other day because something had fallen only to realize I'm able to easily pick things up off the ground again!

Mommy Journal:

Whew!  What a whirlwind of a first month!  I have experienced every emotion and felt more exhaustion than I thought possible.  I've laughed, cried, and loved harder than I knew was possible.  There have been times I've never felt more alone and other times I've never felt so embraced and supported.
Our little man had a difficult time adjusting to life outside the womb.  The first few days/nights Zilla was sure he was supposed to be sleeping during the day and wide awake at night.  On top of this I had implemented an exhausting feeding schedule.  I've always wanted to breastfeed, but while at the hospital they weren't sure Zilla was getting the amount he needed and he definitely wasn't latching well.  So, I would breastfeed with him for about 15-20 mins, pump milk, and then bottle feed him.  This routine took anywhere from 1.5 to 2 hours and was putting a big emotional strain on me.  There's so much pressure on new moms (or we put so much pressure on ourselves) to do everything right.  I felt like I was already falling short because I couldn't keep my sweet baby well fed.
Thankfully, my mom stayed with us the first week after bringing him home.  This was a huge help to have someone around who is a natural with babies and has done this before.  Also, someone I knew wouldn't judge me when I barged into her room at 4 am holding my crying baby, crying myself, and handing off the little guy so I could go back to my room and cover my ears.  She was a trooper and stayed up with him the rest of that night.  When I woke up the next morning and came into our den apologizing she only reassured me that this was all part of the process of becoming a mommy.
And she was right.  It is all a process of learning about what it is to be a mother.  In the interest of not giving every detail of the happenings of the first month I'll try to give short summaries of the emotions, joys, and troubles:

1) It took almost two weeks (and maybe it's still happening) for it to really sink in that I'm a mother and Jason is a father.  Those words hold so much weight and responsibility.  Sometimes the thought of "this is forever" can be a little scary.  But the scariness is far overshadowed by the excitement I feel when thinking about all the wonderful memories to be made!
Our world has been totally flipped upside down. Parenthood has taught me so much about selfless love.  I have so much love for this little bundle that even when I'm running on two hours of sleep and he's started another crying fit I can't help but continue to hold him and rock him in hopes to ease his pain.  And watching Jason love him in the same manner has shown me a whole new depth of our love for one another.
Then there's our relationship as husband and wife.  An hour into one of those crying spells and I would be lying if I said I haven't looked at Jason and just thought "why won't you fix this?" and had a sense of bitterness towards him.  But, far more times, an hour into a crying spell when I'm at my wits end and Jason comes over to me and hugs me and tells me that I am doing an amazing job and then takes the baby from my arms, it's those moments I feel more loved by him than I can accurately describe.  He has given me some of the best pep talks these past few weeks.  And Jason is no stranger to these.  There have been times he's brought me up out of a slump during graduate school and I wanted to just quit and he's helped out of spiritual holes with his loving embrace and words.  But the way he has loved me through this first month has been incredible and shown me how madly in love we are with one another.  

2) If you're gung-ho about breastfeeding do lots of reading before hand (I recommend "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding) and then realize that it's not as natural and easy as one would think it should be.  Your nipples will probably be sore for weeks and you will convince yourself that your baby's hands are in a constant battle to keep his mouth from finding your breast.  Getting a good latch will be cause for celebration and a bad latch with feel like someone is trying to saw off your nipple.  You will start to question your decision when you realize every moment of your day must be planned around the next feed and come to terms with the fact that you will have to wake up every time he wants to eat in the middle of the night.  No passing off the responsibility to someone else. Even if you (or your spouse) feed him a bottle of expressed milk for a feeding or two, you will need to pump during these feedings in order to keep up your supply.
Still, the moments where you feel comfortable will be some of the sweetest moments with your newborn as you continue to provide him nourishment and ease his transition into life outside the womb.  The bonding that occurs while breastfeeding is priceless!
Confidence is key!  We went through this terrible routine of breast, pump, bottle for two weeks before I had a lactation consultant assess Zilla and I.  Turns out, he was getting plenty of food and I simply needed to relax more while feeding him.  If you are having doubt or trouble, see a lactation consultant!  They are worth the money.
And read this.  A friend of mine sent it to me and I find it so encouraging.

3) Our poor little Zilla is experiencing colic.  If you've never heard of colic it's essentially when a baby begins to inconsolably cry for hours at a time.  And it's not just a little whine, it's a loud screaming kind of cry.  The result of this crying is a very tired mommy and daddy who feel utterly lost and incapable of parenting.  There are feelings of guilt and times where you feel so angry with the helpless baby who has been yelling at you all day.
Jason and I have read just about every article, blog, and forum about colic and infant sleep patterns we can get our hands on.  The hardest part is the guilt you feel for not being able to fix whatever is wrong and the increased guilt for being mad at the baby.  The days it's the worst are the days I've never felt so alone.  These are the days I get angry with Jason's job for not giving him more time off so that he can help me.  I wonder if 7:00 will ever come so that I can just pass Zilla off to his dad and retreat to our bedroom to cry, sleep, or scream.
So what do you do if you have a colicky baby?  Well, we are very new to this so I can't say I'm an expert.  But, finding other people who have experienced it is a great first step.  Even if all their recommendations don't work for your baby, chances are you'll find other mothers and fathers who have had the same feelings, thoughts, and emotions as you are experiencing.  This is invaluable and can help ease some of that guilt and let you know you're not alone and you're not a bad parent.  Seriously, Jason has sent me a number of articles by moms who have had a baby with colic and just to read how they felt has been so helpful!
Recently, I read some information based on "Happiest Baby on the Block" and found that swaddling, holding Zilla on his side, bouncing, playing an ocean sound very loudly, and then giving him his pacifier in that order has helped to calm him and even put him to sleep.  And for this I am so grateful! Even if it only works sometimes, I'll take it.

4) Which leads me to: if you have a colicky baby, invest in a pacifier.  Do it.  Now.  It's not a cure all, but even before we started the swaddle routine, the pacifier would quiet him down for a few minutes.  And when a baby has been screaming for hours every minute of silence counts!  We did wait until after the first two weeks before giving him the pacifier in order to establish my milk supply (there's a lot of research regarding the importance of allowing your little one to suckle at your breast for the first two weeks even if he's not eating to help your milk come in).  After that, we are all about the paci.  Yes, there's a great possibility that I'll regret this when I have a 10 year old who doesn't want to give up sucking on a pacifier because his momma was such a fan of it when he was little.

6) Surround yourself with other mothers.  I can't describe how wonderful it is to hear a mother you respect tell you that you are doing a good job.  My sister in law is great at this; constantly reassuring me and providing me with an abundance of support.  I spent much of my brother in law's birthday party sitting in the back room feeding.  While I was back there my sister and law and friend who has a 5 month old joined me and had lots of words of encouragement.  Just to hear that all the crying I was doing was normal made me feel more confident and at ease. 

5) Accept all offers of help.  It can be so hard to do this.  I want to prove to myself and to everyone that I can do this on my own and I'm a natural at motherhood.  Sometimes being a natural at motherhood means being humble enough to ask for help when you need it. Luckily, I think Jason realized I was avoiding asking for help when I needed it and took the initiative to seek out some of our friends and family.  And wow how they responded!

6) On a similar note, have somebody set up a care calendar for you!  My amazing sister did this for us and has ensured that we are well fed during this hectic time.  Here's the website: http://www.carecalendar.org/

7) When people come over, don't be shy to sneak away and catch up on sleep.  They won't be offended.  If you're like me and have trouble sleeping during the day you can also take the opportunity to shower (without rushing), do some laundry or the dishes, or even go for a walk/run.  Sleep, of course is important, but so is feeling normal for a few hours.  I went for a short walk/jog while my aunt watched the little guy one day and I felt so revitalized.  I think more so than if I had just taken a nap.

8) Look at every moment/outing alone with your spouse  as a date during the first month.  When Zilla was 3 weeks old my mom came over to watch him so Jason and I could go grocery shopping.  This was the first time we were leaving the house without Zilla.  We've always loved grocery shopping together, but this time we really relished in it.  We stopped and ate burgers first and then headed to the store.  We cuddled together while pushing the cart and danced down the aisles to all the oldies music being played over the loud speaker.  It was wonderful!

9) Celebrate every happy and quiet awake time with your baby!  Those times when Zilla is awake and happy are the best moments of the day.  I get to hold him and talk to him, tickle his toes, pinch his little cheeks, and love on him.  I have been tempted to set him down in his swing during these times just because I'm so exhausted if it's following a lot of crying, but I don't want to waist these moments where we get to bond.  He really is so precious and I love him so much!

10) Take lots of pictures!  Your friends and family might get tired of your facebook blowing up with pictures of your cute little one, but that's too bad.  You should be proud!  Post those pictures!  Zilla is already growing so fast, I would be so mad at myself if I didn't capture something for fear of taking too many pictures.

That's all for now!
The VrlyFries