Why Being Pro-life makes me a Feminist

"...[We resolve] to support maternal and child health..." (President Obama in statement made on 41st Anniversary of Roe v. Wade)
"I struggle to see how the Roe v. Wade decision supports child health when it seems that 100% of the children it directly affects are no longer alive" ~Brandon Vogt

I started this post back when the SB5/HB2 events were occurring.  I didn't have time to complete it when I first started writing and then so much time passed I decided it was no longer relevant.  Which is ridiculous, because if there was something that is always relevant, it is this issue.  But if you disagree, it's the 41st anniversary of the Roe v Wade decision and it's officially relevant again.  Disclaimer: I write this not to start a debate or offend.  I write this to let people who are on the other side of the issue know I understand and hear your hesitation and I hope this will help you to understand my urgency:

Since weening myself from College Republicans starting my junior year in college I've slowly retreated away from being my politically active self.  To be honest, it's just too frustrating and at times disheartening for me to participate in; no matter how hard I look I can't seem to find a person or party whom I can really identify with. I want to pick and choose.  So I've bowed out bit by bit.  Particularly on the online forums.  Facebook, blogging, all of it.  There is this lovely veil that people perceive when they are tucked behind their computer screens which emboldens them to make some pretty outrageous claims.  The Facebook debate drives me nuts; it will suck you in and never let you go "I MUST HAVE THE LAST WORD." 

Enter SB5, HB2, SB1.  Abortion.  It's my buzz word.  If there's anything that can rile me up it's this issue.  My feathers get all ruffled, my heart starts racing, and my jaw gets to clenching.  I cannot remain silent!  I made my first semi political facebook post in year, and I used the tactic of posting a picture of my son because no one is going to start a nasty debate underneath a picture of a cute baby, right?

But the message I was trying to get across is no less important.  The fetus in the sonogram picture and the infant holding it are the same DNA, the same beating heart, the same beautiful boy.  After watching the past couple of days unfold I decided I couldn't leave it at that.  So here I am, blogging.  I don't even know the purpose of this post.  I suppose just to get a little steam off my chest.  I don't want to address the "when does life really begin" "is it my body or is it a separate body" issues.  Many others have been doing that for me, and sadly few hearts are changed this way.  Instead, I want to look at it from the women's rights angle.
"WHAT?" you say.  "But that's the angle of the pro choice movement, you're beating yourself with your own argument."

Wrong.  Here's my position on why being pro life makes me quite the feminist.     

1) I refuse to accept that the only way I can obtain equality with men is through a medical procedure.
This one is pretty self explanatory. My (and other women's) worth, dignity, equality etc are inherent.  I don't need a procedure to bring me up to par.  Thanks for the offer though.

2) I refuse to reduce myself to such a level that my whole world will crumble and fall if I get pregnant because poor, weak me can't handle 9 months of pregnancy. 
This one sounds insensitive.  When I came back to this post and read #2, I thought, "oh that's not fair to say across the board"  I recognize that my circumstances are  not other women's circumstances.  I am aware it is easier for me to carry a child to term, with my house, loving husband, steady job than for many others.  But hear me out.  Women, you are strong and powerful.  Your body grows humans.  Life is started underneath your beating heart.  You have the capacity to accomplish something that is so everyday and yet so miraculous. Embrace this, it's beautiful.  Not always easy or comfortable or convenient.  But you are equipped with the power to do it, and that's amazing.
*Addendum* I had the following conversation with a friend about my post and thought it was important to include as to explain why I did not originally bring up medical circumstances which put the mother's life in danger: 

"You know there are people who don't have a choice? Who live with the haunting reminders of what they had no choice but to do? They struggle and it even sometimes goes as far as affecting their mental health."

"Yes, which is why I wrote this in the way I did because I think it's unacceptable that a woman would find herself in a place to say she has no other choice. Unless, a serious medical condition is the cause of this lack of choice, which I recognize does occur. And I didn't address that here because the kind of access to abortion granted by Roe v. Wade goes far beyond protection for women who are in these circumstances. And I have much compassion for someone in this situation, because I understand that as you said the haunting reminders are everywhere when abortion is such a frequently discussed issue and insensitive words are often carelessly said. But I also recognize I could never fully understand the toll it would take to have to face such a circumstance."

"I agree with you that it's gone way too far and is now just an easy access route for those who just don't want to take responsibility for their actions. I applaud you for being respectful and well mannered. Because you're right so many just toss words around and they think they aren't hurtful to those of us who would immediately step up but for medical reasons could not"

  3) I refuse to be mis and under informed. 

There is a lot of mis information surrounding abortion.  Although, I like to call it under information.  This coming from the girl who researched every procedure/medication on her birth plan to give myself the best chances of having nothing happen that I didn't understand.  Let's just say, I'm a big advocate for being informed about things being done to your body.  And yes, in the case of negative impacts, it is the mother's body being affected too.  Many women are told just enough to make it sound appealing and like the best option.  Information about the risks, about the details of the procedure, about the after affects are conveniently left out.  Don't insult me and my gender.  We deserve to be fully informed and offered proper care.  
Let me tell you a little story.  When I first started looking for work after having Aidan I came across a posting for a Counselor position at a clinic.  The description said something along the lines of "providing mental health and psychological care to patients to help with transition following procedures"  There was more to it and descriptions that would make you think someone qualified as a counselor should probably get this position.  I was pretty excited because it sounded like something I would enjoy doing.  I got to the requirements section and it only asked that you had a high school diploma and no counseling experience necessary.  I was immediately skeptical and Googled the company.  It was an abortion clinic.  Really, is this the best we can offer? 

4) I refuse to cover up the underlying problems which lead to women even considering abortions.
Here's where I address the insensitive part of #2.  My circumstance is not your circumstance.  You might be expecting me to say something like "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"  "Try harder" "Get a job" "Shame on you for having a baby out of wedlock".  Not only am I not saying these things, I am in some ways arguing against those who do.  There is no question that a very large gap exists between what would ideally happen if abortion was made illegal and the reality.  And we must strive for better.
I work with people who have disabilities.  In my field we never refer to someone with a disability as being handicapped, because it is not the person but the environment that creates the barriers.  When we work to remove those barriers a person with a disability not only gains tremendous self efficacy but becomes an active member of our society.
Don't make the mistake of thinking I'm comparing pregnancy to a disability (See #'s 1 and 2).  However, I do believe there are barriers which must be addressed which abortion conveniently covers up.  There must be better and affordable access to real healthcare (ie other than abortion) for women.  Not just during pregnancy but after the child is born.  There are lots of amazing services who offer assistance to a mother during pregnancy but years down the road, services become fewer and far between.  
Our society needs to stop stigmatizing women who are pregnant and in difficult circumstances and instead offer a helping hand.  Whether or not you agree with the circumstances or, in some cases, your moral beliefs about sex out of wedlock, hear me out.  Many women are afraid of being shamed if they decide to carry the baby to term.  I'm not saying let's glamorize teen pregnancy (ehhmm 16 and Pregnant), but let's not forget to always show love.
There have been great strides the past few years to support working mothers and these need to continue to improve.  Including access to childcare, not only when the mother is working but when she is seeking work. 
 These ideas are lofty, yes.  What I'm trying to say is I realize that ending abortion is not enough; there are other issues to be addressed.  But they are not the bigger issue.  Some may argue we can't end abortion until these things are in place.  But I say we can't afford to wait to end abortion, because whether or not these changes are made, it's still a human life being ended and that takes top priority, always.  You see, I don't like to settle.  So rather than settling for abortion, I choose to advocate for better, shall I say, choices.

5) I refuse, REFUSE, to be looked on as little more than an object by men.  Refuse.
This one relates to #4.  What about women who conceive as result of rape?  The argument that "those circumstances are rare and therefore shouldn't be considered" is quite pathetic.  The fact that even one woman finds herself in this circumstance is not acceptable.  I refuse to give the man who rapes a woman an easy out.  Remember that a majority of rape occurs by someone the victim is close to.  This person knows abortion is an option should a baby result from his horrific act. It may not be the deciding factor, but it is a fact.  Remember that disgusting article by that frat guy who said SB5 had to be defeated so he could continue to have careless sex with women?  Yeah.  I'm not saying he's a rapist, I'm just saying that's the mentality.  I want to live in a world that fights harder to end sexual objectification than it does to keep the "right" to an abortion.

But even if all of this was irrelevant and abortions being legal and easier to access did "empower" me, I refuse to raise myself above the life of another.  My life is no more valuable than any other life; male or female, someone who has a disability or someone who does not have a disability, adult or fetus. 

And then there's this

Soul to Soul

First, I would like to thank everyone who sent me encouraging messages following my last blog.  Your words mean so much to me!  Good news:  I have survived!  The bulk of my work has been turned in and I have only two small papers to turn in by next week. Just as I was finishing my last little bit for the evening I decided to check in on the online class I am a TA for to respond to any messages.  I've been way behind on grading in this class and therefore have been getting a lot of "ummmm where's mah grade?" messages.  So, checking my blackboard email always makes me a little anxious.  

Blackboard loads super slow in Google Chrome so first all I see is that I have 2 unread messages. I gear up for answering some questions.  The first is titled "feedback on assignment".  I fully expect this person to be arguing with me about a grade they received.  Instead, it's a very sweet message about how much they appreciate all the feedback I've provided to them throughout the semester.  The second email is titled "Thank You" and sure enough this girl also thanked me for giving lots of helpful feedback and making her feel like I cared about her learning process.  

Well shoot students!  That's just the thing I needed to hear as we are winding down this semester...now next time just copy my professor onto that email so she can see too ;)  But seriously, I try so hard to provide quality feedback on each of their papers, which usually results in grading taking way longer than it should.  It's so helpful to hear that at least some people appreciate this.  

On another note I had my ipod on shuffle today and it started to play Acapella's song "Good Old Acappella".  I love this song! It reminds me of some of my happiest childhood memories riding in our old subruban learning about music, God, and quality family time.  Oh yes, we all had our own parts.  It's pretty epic. 

Funny story about this song.  When Jason and I were about 1.5 years into our relationship we traveled to the good city of Belton, TX for my cousin's wedding.  Following the ceremony we got into Bryan's car with his wife, my sister and her husband.  Well, sure enough this song came on. And well, all the Vrla kids jumped right back into their little harmonies.  Bryan had the bass, Kimberly had the melody, and I was belting out that tenor line.  We hard core get into these harmonies.  It wasn't until the end of the song that I looked at Jason and saw this "wtf was that" look on his face.  I dunno, I think 1.5 years was an appropriate amount of time to let him in on (one of) me and my family's (many) quirks.   

I know I already posted one video of the song, but I had to also post this one because this group has some pretty sweet dance moves...

   

Restless

I have a food post on hold that I've been meaning to post for a week, but I've had this on my heart for the past few days.  I figured I should speak from my heart first and then the tummy.  It has been a rough few weeks in the Fry household.  Poor Jason has been so patient and understanding with me.  It's that time of year again where I start to regret my decision to put everything off until the last minute.  In fact, I still have other things I should be completing right now, but I just can't get this off my mind so here I am.  This semester has been particularly work intensive.  The good news is I don't have a single final exam, in fact, I barely had any actual tests this semester.  In place, I've had lots and lots of projects and papers.  I've felt so swamped and overwhelmed the past few weeks there have been moments where I just wanted to crawl into a whole and give up on grad school.  Jason has never stopped encouraging and comforting me and I am so grateful.  On top of this I am so grateful for the homily from Mass yesterday.  I'm pretty sure the priest was speaking directly to me, even though we were sitting in the back of St. Ann's giant church.  

The homily centered on how necessary it is we seek out God for our strength.  He is our Good Sheppard.  Too often we (I) look at my prayer time and other faith centered activities as "just another thing on the to do list" but this is so far from the truth.  These moments I devote solely to God are my time to refuel.  Through spending time with Him I am better able to see the path I'm on, understand why I am doing all of this, and gain strength for my journey.  

I've been fixated on Audrey Assad's song "Restless" lately.  I listen to it on repeat as I drive to and from Denton everyday.  The lyrics of the song (adapted from St. Augustine) match so well with the readings and homily from yesterday.  "I'm restless until I rest in you."  This is something I need to constantly remind myself.  I have control issues, and I don't like accepting help even when I'm drowning.  This trait of mine led me to struggle with one particular line in the song: "Cause I know you're more than my salvation, without you I am hopeless."  

Well hold on now Audrey, I am not hopeless.  That's a bit harsh don't you think?  I mean yeah God is great and provides me with grace and strength to get through my day, but without him I am hopeless?  I contemplated this line over and over.  And then on Thursday night in the midst of working on one of my projects I broke down.  I mean full on I'm done with graduate school kind of break down.  I definitely scared my dog and may have made Jason a little worried.  I was genuinely hopeless at this point, and I did not turn to God, I begrudgingly finished the work I was doing and went to bed.  

At the time I definitely did not think about this song.  In fact it was not until Sunday's homily that I started to put it all together.  I had gotten so caught up in finishing all my school work that I had neglected to simply ask God for His help.  The more I rejected His grace and care, the more I felt like I was losing control.  He has offered so much to us, it's hard to grasp it all.  We can get so caught up in the rush of life and "doing" things "for" God we forget "Deus pro nobis"  God is for us.  He has done such great things for us.  My prayers and adoration only further lift me up and provide me with the tools I need to continue on.  

It has been a humbling week, and I am so thankful for this.  I need a humility check right about this time of year.  I need to remember that when I reach my breaking point, maybe I should first examine my prayer and faith life.  I will probably just play this song over and over for the rest of the week as I finish off my last few papers and projects.  In case you're in need of a little reminder of the greatness of God and maybe some beautiful music, here you go:

Romans 5:3-5

"...we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;  and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;  and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us"

*All things expressed hereafter are opinions and my raw feelings about some of the experiences I had this summer. I am not an expert nor do I know the inner thoughts or feelings of the people mentioned. Please feel free to comment if you agree or disagree.* 

I've been waiting to find a good stretch of quiet time to write this post. This summer has been full of so many great opportunities and experiences. I chose this verse for the title because of its emphasis on perseverance and hope. In verses 1-2 of Chapter 5 Paul speaks of how our faith has resulted in receiving a taste of God's grace. This taste of His grace is so abundant that even just the "hope of the glory of God" (what is to come) leads to exultation. 


Side note: The common/more modern definition of exult is "to show or feel a lively or triumphant joy; rejoice exceedingly; be highly elated or jubilant."  However, exult used to be used in a way meaning "to leap, especially for joy."  I don't know about you, but thinking about sharing in the life of God makes me want to leap for joy  :)      


Okay anyways, after this Paul goes on in verses 3-5 to recognize that we will face tribulations in this world. Yet, through perseverance we can increase our character and find hope. Then he ties it all together by saying hope does not disappoint because of the grandeur of what we have to hope for (the glory of God). Exult!  


 What does this have to do with my summer?  I had the privilege of meeting some truly incredible individuals who embody perseverance through trials. I worked at a summer program called REAL. The goal of the program was to introduce young adults with vision impairments to employment and independent living. I was a job coach, which involved teaching participants job skills and supervising them on the job. Most of the work I've done in rehabilitation has been in the mental health field. This was a very new and exciting experience for me.


Each job coach was assigned two participants to supervise throughout the program. From the first day, I knew it was going to be quite an adventure. My participants were awesome! We had our shaky moments and definitely did a lot of persevering during the five weeks. We were assigned to work at elections administration in Denton.  The office was full of so many wonderful people who were excited to have us there. But, the jobs the participants were assigned weren't the most exciting. Each afternoon, after a long day of folding cards to be mailed out, they returned to the dorm to hear their peers tell stories about working in retail, testing electronics, and designing a component to Second Life for those with vision impairments. Suffice it to say we did not have the most exciting job. But we made it through and even had some fun doing it.  Thank goodness for my participants, they kept me laughing throughout the day. 


Both of my participants amazed me with the things that they had experienced throughout their lives and how they handled them.  The first thing I learned from this program was why "person first" language is so important. These individuals are so much more than the vision impairments they have. They are people, teenagers to be exact, first. As we all do, they experience things far greater and more meaningful than their visual acuity. I enjoyed so much as my participants started to open up to me about their lives outside of the program. They were all so talented. My male participant was awesome with computers and had played and beaten just about every computer game out there. My female participant has the most beautiful voice! One day after work she sang for me and it was so hard to fight back the tears. There was also a participant who played every instrument I can think of. On graduation day I was down the hallway and heard one of my favorite praise and worship songs being sung; I dashed down and got there in time to record the last part of the song.  He also wrote a beautiful song which he played at the graduation.  Here's him playing the praise and worship song:

I absolutely loved working in this program. It makes me even more excited about finishing graduate school and getting to work with people just like these. 

I recognize this is getting long, but I have one more experience of perseverance and hope to share. For one of my class assignments we were asked to step out of our comfort zone and interact with a culture different from the one we grew up around. I chose the homeless community. One Saturday afternoon Jason and I drove to downtown Dallas. I have to be honest, when I first got there I begged Jason to let me turn around and find a different culture. I was very nervous. But he encouraged me to approach a man standing by himself digging around an ashtray. I went up to the man and asked him to join us at lunch.  Ronald was definitely a little startled. He was very quite for the first 30 minutes and visibly uncomfortable being in Subway. I learned a lot from Ronald; mostly about human dignity and the way we treat those who are homeless. As with those with vision impairments, those who are homeless are first and foremost people. After this experience I can see how someone who is homeless could start to feel less than that.

First, people chose to either look away from us or stare. There wasn't much of a middle ground. I definitely noticed this. I'm used to receiving simple smiles of acknowledgement from others in passing (and at A&M a "Howdy"). This absence was strange. I can see how day after day of this could make one feel as though they are "lesser" than those whizzing by. Even when someone did stop to give change, they did so without a word and usually didn't even stop or look at the person; more often than not, change was tossed in the general direction of the person sitting next to the wall. If there's anything I gained from this, it was to always look at those who are homeless in the eye and give them a smile, a wave. Even if I cannot provide change or a meal, the very least I can do is provide them a sense of dignity. 

Second, I wondered how often Ronald heard his name. Names are such a big deal for humans. No other species takes the time to name their peers. Eventually, your name becomes part of your identity. Girls often change their name in marriage as to be identified with their husband. But as a person who is homeless, especially one who hitchhiked as far and often as Ronald, hearing ones name could be a rarity. In some sense I can also see how this might start to ware on a person, making him or her feel separated from their identity. 

This experience truly had a profound affect on me. The homeless population is one I'm becoming passionate about.  Through it I was able to identify where outreach efforts, particularly those involving social work, might be going wrong. We must start to look at the world through the eyes of someone who is homeless. Perhaps the reason people choose not to go to soup kitchens or homeless shelters is out of feeling increasingly marginalized (look at the typical location of these, about as marginal as it comes). We must start to align our goals with theirs, build trust, and ultimately treat them with the dignity all humans deserve.