Mercy Bend and Breathe Me Back to Life

You could plant me like a tree beside a river

You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild

And I would blossom like a flower in the desert

But for now just let me cry

Our hearts are broken. In a two month's period we were blessed with an unplanned pregnancy, went through all the emotions landing in a place of gratefulness and joy, and ultimately learned that our precious child's heart stopped at 8 weeks, before we would get to watch him grow.

You could raise me like a banner in the battle

Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes

And I would drift like falling snow over the embers

But for now just let me lie

There have been tears, there was a month of uncertainty, prayers for a miracle, prayers for trust in God's great sovereignty and comfort, and prayers for patience in our sorrow.

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before you show me how to die

I have been torn, broken, molded. Refiner's fire. I am being healed. Patience in our sorrow. 

Set me like a star before the morning

Like a sun that steals the darkness from a world asleep

And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me

But for now just let me be

Faith in joy is so easy. Faith in trials is hard but necessary. The faith of the Saints in trials is a path. St. Gerard, St. Philomena, St. Felicity, St. Perpetua pray for us. Mama Mary, most gracious advocate, wrap me in your mantle. "Whatever did not fit in with my plan did lie within the plan of God. I have an ever deeper and firmer belief that nothing is merely an accident when seen in the light of God"

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before You show me how to die

No, not before You show me how to die

For a month my body did not know you were gone. Nausea, fatigue, food aversions persisted. And then the labor pains without the beautiful cries of life. But my little darling, we held your tiny body. I looked you in the eyes and I told you how much I love you. I marveled at the wonder of you and words of thanksgiving escaped my lips for the gift to cradle you in my hand. My fingers gently touched your arms and legs before we laid you to rest.  How I wish you were simply sleeping. The bassinet we bought you sits broken down and empty in our closet. Let me die to myself, oh Lord, for only your life in me can renew my spirit.

So let me go like a leaf upon the water

Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

And I will disappear into a deeper beauty

But for now just stay with me

God, for now just stay with me

"Thank God ahead of time." Do not let worry get in the way of the design of our merciful Father. We are heartbroken, but we are thankful for Bennett's life, for the opportunity to have him even briefly, for the prayers so many have poured out for us, and for the good we trust God does in all things and in all circumstances. Lord when your glory appears my joy will be full.