Today I read an article on the New York Post titled I want all of the perks of maternity leave without having any kids. I can’t even with this article. At first I was speechless; but that lasted
all of 30 seconds while I wiped the angry tears from my eyes. Then the words wouldn’t stop coming. After all of the inappropriate words got out
of the way, I was left with this word vomit:
Let’s just start with
the title. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize
there were so many “perks” to maternity leave.
The only perk I remember was getting to actually spend a full day, week,
with my kids. And I like to think that
it benefitted my children just as much, if not more, than it benefitted me. Oh, my other favorite perk was the way I bled
for 6 weeks straight. And the way my
body would decide to have contractions every once in a while after he was here. That was super fun.
“…the more I came to believe in the value of a maternity
leave – which is, to me, a sabbatical like break that allows women…to shift
their focus to the part of their lives that doesn’t revolve around their jobs“
“that socially mandated time and space for self-reflection
may never come“
I’m going to start with these incredibly ignorant
statements. For the sake of not hating
this woman, I’m going to just chalk it up to, she’s never had children, so she
just doesn’t know. I would never
describe maternity leave, or staying at home, as sabbatical like. I don’t know of many retreats that advertise “sleep
deprivation“ “cracked nipples“ “clean up poop“ “listen to crying noises“ as their main selling points. And unless you count my 3 am half-awake
realization that it’s been 3…no 4 days since I last showered, as self-reflection,
then no. Just no. The most self-reflective thing moms might
realize during this time is that they do
not want to leave their babies in 12 (or less) short weeks.
Which leads me to, you want a real maternity leave, then you can’t
have that without the maternity return.
So when you’re done with all of your self-reflecting, please continue
with your schedule of waking up every three hours…because of course you did
this during your fake maternity leave to make it as authentic as possible…and
go back to work. Maintain your previous
level of functioning and energy. When you wake up in the morning, be sure to
have someone throw milk at your outfit so that you have to change 3 times
before you actually leave or just give in and go to work with a milk smudge on
your jacket. In order to plan for this,
in addition to your nightly wake up routine you will also be waking up earlier to
start getting ready for the day in the morning.
And once you’re at work, make sure that you have something pull on your
nipples for 20 minutes 3 times a day.
But wait I’m not even to the hardest part. After 12 (or less) weeks of being with my new
baby who is still pretty much just as dependent on me as when he was born, now
I have to leave him with someone else.
Every single day. No matter how
much I trust this person, they are not me.
I am not seeing his sweet eyes or smile when he wakes from a nap. I am not making sure he gets as much tummy
time as I want him to throughout the day.
I am not making sure he is read to or sung to or played with. Instead, every day I am saying goodbye to
him. Ripping my heart out, trying not to
cry. So I don’t even know how to draw a
comparison to this one for you. I guess
just imagine someone stomping on your chest a few times a day.
And then there’s this, “I couldn’t help but feel envious
when parent son staff left the office at 6 p.m. to tend to their children,
while it was assumed coworkers without kids would stay behind to pick up the
slack. “ I can’t speak for your coworkers,
but I can speak for myself and the countless other working moms I know, and
this is a bunch of BS. I put in my time
and I work my behind off to make sure that I am always caught up, always
getting my work done before deadlines, always staying focused, trying to
minimize times of distraction so that I can leave on time. Not so others can pick up my slack. I know moms who show up to work an hour
before everyone else in order to have more time with their children in the
evening. I know moms who take short, or
no, lunch breaks so that they can leave on time. You know what, you can do this too. Please leave at 6pm. But I better not see you on your phone or taking extended breaks or wasting time away, because I know that’s what I’m doing, so that I
can maximize the tiny bit of awake time I have with my children in the
afternoon.
There is much more.
So much more. I am offended by
pretty much everything she said in this article. I hope this article gets backlash. It is offensive to working moms everywhere. But I have to stop here because my lunch
break is over and I have to go back to my job now.
